How about 2 break ups in less then 5 months?

yes, just like that, Fucked up!
No more boyfriends, the idea of my own business made me tired only thinking of it. gave up, just like that..
I am a fucking student trying to pay my rent and food every month, so back to reality. If I want to do something that I like, it can buy Vogue once in a while and shop for clothes once in while as well.
If it was me who broke up? Yes! This time it  was me. And I believe it is worse.. OK it is always worse. But this time I have the feeling that I regret it. I can`t stop thinking about him since we broke up, and I miss him.
I try to get over, try to do nice things, but come on, is it really possible to get over somebody wihout getting a new relationship?
Last time, when my ex broke up with me, I was open to new men and experience, and actually I already had the phone number of this new guy. Now, that I broke up, I am just sick of men, and I have the feeling that Mr. Right is never going to appear.
I am sick of couples, I am sick of kisses.. But deep inside, all I want is, this, ex boy calling me, saying that he loves me, and he will change the things that used to annoy me, and then we can be together again, because by the way, it was the best sex of my life till now.
But this is far away from reality. This is just not going to happen.
The truth is I am getting so freak, I stay online on facebook the whole time when I am not working, hoping that he is going to talk to me. But he isn't.
That is so sad. You may be asking yourself: But didn`t you break up? Why don`t you call him? or do something?
Too difficult. If I call, I will have to go back to him without complaints, and I will have to accept him the way he is. And the way he is means "no future" at the moment.
So, being a dreamer as I can be, I still hope that he will call with all that bullshit.
Or I am just hoping that I will forget him after some time, or after meeting the next Mr. Right pretender.
Well, I have a lot of things going on in my mind now. New friends, a lot of work, a trip to London.
I will be fine, I hope...

totally stressed

Yes. I am totally stressed.
I passed my exams, but I decided to work like hell to make some money during the summer, and that is really hard for me. 48hours of work/week is crazy believe me. Especially if you are doing something that you don`t like.
Doubts, doubts. It seems that it is all I have!
I am also moving this week, finally, which is really good. I am planning this for 3 months now.
Today between a brainstorming session with my boyfriend in the middle of my crisis, he gave me the perfect idea to start my own business in fashion. Wow, that sound so cool. But it is actually not. Deep inside I think it is a bit  stupid, but you know what? why not?
A small online business, thats what everybody is doing, and even if it doesn`t work, at least I will be doing something that I really like. So, I am happy for that, and I am at the moment developing the idea..
Today I got a strange feeling a mix of loneliness with sadness, I watched Clueless and Sex and the City, and it helped, but not as much as it usually does! Than you can see how bad it was.
Tomorrow is a new day, and I think I will get my motivation again to do the things that I like!!
Yesssss, let`s do something, right?
I really want to be good to myself, and do the things I like. Of course if is a thing that I like it has to be future
focused... a experience in business is a nice experience, isn`t it?
Nice things happened as well. I talked about Mango collection last post, and I think somebody heard and sent me a discount card of 40%!! I went to the store on saturday(which was not yet on sale), and I could choose between all the nice clothes without having to fight with desperate women trying to get a cheap piece!! It was cool, and I bought nice things that I can wear for a long time. A black skirt suit, a party blouse, a very nice skirt and a basic blouse. And I can say, I love Mango!!
Enjoy baby, and remember, no stress.

All the bullshit going on in my mind

I needed a place to write, easy like that.
I actually just need to tell myself about myself. And it will be nice to compare in the future, am I going to survive?
Survive what? life? just like that.. Well not just like that.
Will you survive a crazy life with a mix of college, two different jobs (including night shifts), no money (budget of 70 euros to buy at H&M), a post break up, a feeling that the one will never appear. Can I be smart, trendy, fashion, loved? Or is it too much for somebody who is struggling to survive in this crazy world of changes in this different country called the Netherlands?
Yes, there is this plus. I moved to this country almost two years ago, and I live here alone. This makes things a little bit harder. But it is my favourite part of all. I love this place, and to move here changed my life, from a fucked up girl from the countryside of a country in development to somebody with great opportunities to make life more pleasant.
I love fashion. But to be fashion can be harder for me for two main reasons. first of all money. I didn`t grow up with a lot of resources available for me to spend. I had few from my parents. Now that I am focusing in my education, I also don`t have the right to spend on that yet. Second, the natural trendy talent. I try hard. I like it very much, I read Vogue as much as possible.. all those things.. but I have the feeling it takes time for me to get there. But I am happy with my improvements.
My studies are cool. I love it. kind of business, management. Everybody studies this here. I think at least it will give be a wide range of job opportunities in the future.
Oh yes, I didn`t said yet that i am totally future focused. Unfortunately. I would like to live in the present. I would like to spend all my money in the new Mango summer collection, and think about tomorrow tomorrow. I would like to be in a relationship without thinking if my boyfriend will be a good father. Stupid han? Are women like that, or am I thinking too much with my head in the 50`s?
At the same time I hate all that crap. Why would I like to get married and have stupid children? I better have a career!
And then I get emotional again, and think that relationships, friends makes al the sense in life.
Ok, back to hear, today, my crazy life of crappy jobs, clothes and boys.
I have a busy busy week, final exams. Then I will have the summer, and all the time to discuss with myself all this issues.